You Is Fucking A

I’m looking out the window of a Greyhound bus and dig the dirty glass, the cursory cacti with its bruising blur, the waving and bending of the summer heat on the hellish horizon of Nowhere, Texas. My holy turquoise converse scarcely shield my gaping toes and wiggle inside the dried and dried again films of sweat accumulated through the past whatever miles of forgotten road behind me. My heroes on small sheets of wooden slabs and neon-green gummy wheels leap down flights of stairs, magically levitate over fire hydrants, over park benches, into swimming pools, off the roofs of houses…and land gracefully, these feline fiends then grunt in glory as their comrades all in unison leap from their seats and wooo and wail–yes, they wear their shoes without socks.

California. That’s where I’m headed. In a film called Smashin’, you get groovy glimpses of blonde and honey-tanned beach bunnies hopping aside a beckoning bike trail near the ocean; the fellas are handsome and charming with a devil-may-care charisma as they elude the authorities, chase skirt, and speed down mountainsides atop their four-wheeled surfboards.

 

I came back to my seat and the cute girl I was talking to got off as I was dropping off the Cosby kids at the pool. How long was I in there? I wonder. Rosy? Rosa? Shit, who knows. Maybe I should just call them, “baby” from now on–save me from trouble. Why not?

 

“Anybody sitting here, young man?” Said an old white man with a beer gut glancing from under a “Life’s a Beach” T-shirt.

“Just me, dude,” I replied with a smile.

“Where your parents, kid?” He asked as he shoved his bags overhead.

“That’s an old song on repeat, man. Who knows and who cares?”

“All right, man, I get it. You moving, huh? New adventures and all that?”

“Sure am. What about yourself?” I said inquisitive and excited for a new conversation.

“Visiting my sister across the country and checking out this You Is Fucking A, kiiid!”

“Sounds like a blast. Hey, seen the desert outside these windows. Just fucking beautiful. This world has me drunk…everyday I behold the sublimity of my ephemeral existence.”

“Huh? Listen, kid, don’t go reading too many books, you hear me? Get some pussy, bud. Contract an STD or two. Get on drugs, steal a Harely and live with two broads. You know, live a little.”

 

“Yeah, live a little–no, I want to live a lot.”

 

“Here we go, little dude. You Is Fucking–”

 

“A!”

∞