Holy Shit

The neighborhood cats had all took their place and sat and watched me from a distance; the black one with yellow eyes, atop a roof cool and still; the yellow tattered puss purred and licked his paws next the broken fence; the white feline with fierce green eyes rested his dirty head on the hood of the car where he laid. Impervious to affection and inherently self-sufficient, these night crawlers had understood my nature..and I theirs: We trek alone, but may allow you the grace of our company if there be something beneficial for us. Satie’s Gnossiene no.3 came to mind as I lifted my hands at eye level and spread my fingers inspecting my nails. Cars drove through the spaces leaving blurred red traces. To think, I once believed in some kind of “Intelligent Design.” Some people need that, I suppose.

 

“Everything okay heeere, bud?” came a voice drunk in tone and scent.

“Fine, thank you,” I replied yanking my hands into my pocket.

“Oh, don’t be embarrassed, young man. I too shuffer from the occasional poetry of life.”

“No, I wasn’t–”

“I’ll tell you an interesting little shtory most people don’t know for a couple bucks. It’s in the Bible too. What do you say, buddy? A couple of bucks would really help get my whistle wet tonight.”

I beheld the grey in his beard and knew this man was all men…broken somehow, a wrong turn somewhere,  mental issues, perhaps. His eyes were jaundiced and the left side of his hair was flattened by whatever park bench fell prey to his sleep. “Why not, old-timer, why not.”

“Atta boy, I knew you had the daring eye of a gambler.”

“You got five minutes, man. Let’s have it.”

 

“It’s in the book of Ezekiel. God in his infinite wisdom orders the children of Israel to eat human poop.”

“Pardon?”

” ‘And thou shalt eat it as barely cakes, and thou…umm thourrr…shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight. And the Lordy lorrrd said: Even thushhh shall the children of Israel eat their defiled bread among the Gentiles, wither I will drive them.’ It’s in the book of Ezekiel, I’m telling you.”

“Are you sure you’re not embellishing?”

“Ezekiel being the big bitch that he was asked god to spare him and take pity on him and such and suuuch. So thy lord thy thou allowed him alone to bake his barley bread mixed with cow dung instead. Weasel.”

“That’s disgusting.”

“Yeah, tell me about it.”

“How do you know that story and why choose it over any other?”

“I am atoning out here…for my sins, I guess. I stopped believing a long time ago. But I continued to take from people and to feed them liiies. I justified it by telling myself there was no harm if it made them feel good, you know?”

 

“You were a part of a church?

“Kid, I was a pastor for a little over twenty years.”

“Is that true?!”

“Indeed it is,” he said taking the money I gave him, gave me a wink and walked away smiling and dragging his left foot.”

 

“Holy shit.”

∞