March 3, 2017Obtuse is an understatement, he thought as he grabbed his briefcase from his luxury car and straightened out his tie. Viciously vapid and exuberant in his exhales, he bit into the butt of his cigarette. The banal routine of family life was provoking a rather putrid insecurity within him. Every lawn, green…every sprinkler in sync. The quietus to his qualms arrived with his quirky wife calling out for him announcing a cooked and waiting meal.
“These potatoes taste like chocolate…earthy,” he said stabbing and scraping at his plate.
“Is that bad,” she asked with baby in her arms.
“Not at all, darling. I love these things. The way you make them is something else.”
“It’s not me, dear, it’s the potatoes. They taste that way.”
“Well then, I might have to cheat on you with these potatoes from time to time. Seeing they don’t need you to win me over.”
“You are something else.”
“Yeah, I know it.”
“Say, did your boss ever mention that raise today?”she said staring at the sunflower pattern on the glass of the lemonade she was drinking.
“That obtuse bastard’s been avoiding me,” he said taking a sip of his drink next to her on their front porch.
“Ob–what? You really liked those potatoes didn’t you?”
“Never mind. And of course I did, sugar pie.”
“I need to get some more of those soon. It’s nice to see you enjoy my meals.”
“I enjoy all your meals.”
“Yes, but some more than others,” she said listening to the sprinklers.
“I suppose that’s true. Did your brother bring back my tools yet?”
“Oh, shoot, I need to remind him, dear.”
“Yeah, please do. I have that old Triumph in the garage needs a little wrenching,” he said licking the tart from his lips.
“I think the baby is crying, I’ll be right back,” she said standing up and kissing him on the forehead.
“I will be out here.”
“Excuse me, Sir, sorry to bother you. I just need a few minutes of your time.”
“What?,” he said setting his drink down, “I’m not buying anything.”
“I’m not selling.”
“Then, what can I do for you?”
“I have one question to ask you. Only one.”
“Yes, what is it?”
“But you have to promise that you’ll give it a real moment’s thought.”
“What is this? Do I know you, buddy?”
“No, you do not know me. We have never met. You don’t have to give me your answer. Just promise me you will think about it on your own time.”
“Sure, I guess…why not? Let’s hear it.”
“If another version of yourself, in another dimension, was going to commit suicide, what would be the reason.”
“The reason?”
“Yes. What would be the reason for the suicide.”
“This is kinda strange, buddy. I’m not liking this too much.”
“No need for worry, Mister. I’m leaving. But you promised to answer that question. Do it tonight. Have a good day now. You and your lovely wife.”
“Same to you.”
“Who were you talking to, honey?”
“Some strange fellow wearing a life-preserver. Talked funny. Had a baseball hat that read: “Life’s A Beach.” How the hell is life a beach?”
“Some of the undesirables crawl this way from the other side of the tracks sometimes. Who knows.”
“My show on yet?”
“Yeah, some band named The Humanimals are gonna be on.”
“That Ed Sullivan and his music guests. I’ll be there in a minute, sugar. Get me a cold one will you?”
“Sure thing, Daddy.”
“That’s a good girl.”
∞
